First of all, I'm so tired of being sick. I've been on meds for a sinus infection for over a week now... still feel like crap. Started getting an ear ache yesterday... so I've been using some drops... Woke up today with pain/burning feeling in my left eye that could possibly be the start of pink eye?? What the hell? I'm just soooo tired of it all..
I'm also really tired of being "strong". I've been putting on this front like everything is ok, I tell everyone I'm ok... I feel like I have to.. Who really wants to listen to me go over and over about how I don't understand this and I miss him and I can't believe he lied to me and on and on... NO ONE! I don't really feel like anyone cares about that. They all think... run for your life.. stay away from him... he's an ass... you're better without him... blah blah blah... What about what this has done to me? How do I move on? It's constantly in the back of my mind.
I can't wait for my vacation.. Hopefully I'll have time to just do me... soul searching time. Find some time to just... break down.. I need to completely fall apart before I can get it together. I cry here and there.. I rant occasionally to those who will listen... but I have yet to just crumble.. (openly) inside I'm just a mess and falling apart and I don't know what to do.
It's starting to see that this whole blog is about this shit hole my life has become and what I've gone through... I blog about it daily.. no wonder my friends don't want to hear my yak on and on about it... it's kind of annoying, but I can't help it. I've starting going to a church downtown... I like it and the people are really nice, I'm just still not sure where I can with God. I'm angry and upset... But I guess it's a start... I'm searching..
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