Every day is a new battle... or a new day... I'm constantly just reminding myself.. "get through today". I live by the minute... I have trouble thinking too far into the future because I can barely hold it together right now. I can't believe how up and down I still am.. I unfortunately still see his stupid facebook page and every stupid thing she posts or tags him in... I hate it, but I can't bring myself to delete him.. I'm an idiot. I really don't know how I will ever get past this situation...the lying.. it just hurts so damn bad.
On another note... I've had 3 days of great workouts this week. I always feel SO much better afterwards...should be motivation to continue and keep it up. I'm just going to have to figure out on some days how to fit working out back into my life with my new-found social life! Ha. I don't want to give up my standing plans w/the girls (because I need them just as much as the workouts)... but I need to make sure I workout every day too.. This may mean some early morning workouts in my future, but I have to do it. I have to stay active and help my self esteem. I need to like what I see when I look in the mirror... I need to love myself...
Lately I've been "feeling good" and being ok...and "happier"... I sometimes feel like I'm being too fake... like "fake it till ya make it" kinda thing... but I have to do it. Otherwise I'd be a mess all the time. I have to make others think I'm ok, cause hopefully I'll convince myself that I'm ok... Wouldn't you think that works? If I tell myself I'm happy and ok, sooner or later I should actually be, right? Not many will ever know how badly I'm breaking on the inside and how damaged I am now... I put up my walls and put up a front... I'm strong. But once I'm all alone....
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