My life is so up and down... I'm seeing the effects alcohol is having on me.. and I'm not liking who I am when I decide to get super drunk... Recently I've hurt people that really care about me due to my carelessness when I've been drinking... I don't know why I do it... well, I do know why but I hate that reason too. I didn't even see Zach over the weekend, just his friends, and I still lost it.. still got drunk.. still got upset... I'm not sure what it is.. the fact that I see them and they remind me of him.. or the look they give me... the look of "you thought you were really going to be with him?" or the fact that some of them have to be an ass... I am better and stronger.... I am stronger... and I will be ok.... I just wish it was easier right now.
I talked to my Uncle Dan and cousins tonight... I can't wait for Saturday when I can board that plane... and fly. I can't wait to see them and I can't wait to relax, unwind and just be free... It's going to be so much fun getting to spend a whole week with them. I seriously can't wait...
I'm so lucky for the friends I have in my life... Even when I mess up.. they still care.. I fall down and they help pick me up..
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