I don't really know how I'm feeling right now... I feel confused... and alone. I don't really think I miss Zach right now, I just miss who he was... or who I thought he was... I miss how I felt when I was with him... and the way I felt when he looked at me... I want to have that again... I want to find the real thing. But I'm so scared. I honestly don't know how to trust someone now.
I've been so up and down since I saw him a couple weeks ago.. it just hurts so damn much. I don't know what to think... or do. Every time I get my heart broken... I never feel like it will get any better... and then eventually it does... but then I end up getting hurt worse than the time before.. Why can't I find more? I deserve better... Sometimes I really think something is wrong with me... why can't anyone fall in love with me? I just want to be loved...
I feel like I ramble on and on about the same things here... glad it's only for my eyes to read.... I can't say any of this to anyone else and not feel stupid or judged.
I am OK with being single right now, really I am. For the first time ever...
I don't know... I want this nightmare to be over....
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