December 2009 I moved back home to Altoona from Cedar Falls. The hardest decision I've had to make to date. I love UNI. I love Cedar Falls. It's the one place where I feel at home and where my friends are. I had to make a decision for my future, though, not for my present. Being 21, thinking about anything past next week was hard enough, let alone thinking about the next 2-5 years. UNI was great....I just had no idea where my life was going. I felt no real pull towards any one field of study. No passion. So I had to leave.
Moving back home was living hell...to put it lightly. Honestly, my mom and I never got along when we lived together before and this time it was ten times worse. I'm not really sure even how to explain our differences, but there are a lot of them. Living at home again, I could never make her happy or do anything right. At least that's how it felt. Things with my younger sister got better. We became closer, which was really neat. My dad and I have pretty much always gotten along. He and I are more alike than I'd like to admit sometimes. I'm beyond lucky to have him in my life.
March 2010 I started a new, full-time (big girl) job at Wells Fargo Financial. It was definitely a change from staying up till 2 and sleeping in till noon and not really having a care in the world. I had to be at work every morning. I had to focus and, well, do my job. Being in the working world has made me grow up....probably more than I was ready for...
April 2010 I bought a new car. A 2008 Chevy Cobalt. Quite the grown-up thing to do. Having $310 a month go to the new love of my life is a little painful though. It makes me feel good about myself in a way. I'm making my own money and paying for my own things. Self sufficient. Some days I get this "woman power" feeling. :)
August 2010 I moved in to my own apartment on the south side of Des Moines. It's so nice to be out of my parents house and on my own. (Though the bills just keep adding up....) It's nice being in my own place and having it to myself...I just get lonely sometimes. Who am I kidding? I am alone.
I can count on one hand the number of friends I have that live near me. Most nights I just feel like there's no one there. I'm so lucky I have my friend Mary. She's a lifesaver. I miss my Cedar Falls friends daily. I miss my college lifestyle daily. I miss summer vacation and having a free weekend. I miss being stress-free.
As I sit here in my apartment. Alone. I can't stop all the thoughts running through my head. I hate my job more than life itself but I'm sticking with it. I force myself out of bed everyday to go into the office so I can earn money so I can pay my rent and make my car payments. (Oh and those stupid student loan payments....)
I wake up every day just not feeling well. I feel sick. I just keep thinking there's got to be more to life than this...
