Well it's been a week. Back at home... back at work... back at Kosama. Work pretty much sucked all last week. I'm not sure if it was just because I'd been gone for a week or that it was just that crazy.. Being at home, as always, is just ok. I'm here.. I have to be here. It just sucks. Kosama has been great though. I worked out 5 days last week.. first time I did that in a VERY long time. I didn't get up to go workout on Saturday morning, though, cause I wanted to naturally wake up, which ended up being at like 8.. but instead I got in a few miles on our treadmill at home.. even running a couple. It felt great. I haven't ran in almost a year due to some injuries so I was really happy about that. I'm going to start doing it more often I think.
Friday night I hung out with a guy I met online. I'm still not so sure what I think of online dating.. even though I've been "doing it" for several years now. Why can't I just meet people normally?? But anyway, I went to his house (which is usually a NO for the first meeting...) because he just had his tonsils taken out so he can't really go out or do anything right now, and we watched a movie. I was really nervous... but it was really good. We talked and had a good time. Now from past experience I'm not getting my hopes up.. not getting attached.. trying not to really even care about it. He's a really nice, super sweet guy.. Likes horses. :) So we'll see what happens.. hopefully I'll get to see him again.. soon.
On a deeper level.. I'm still feeling hurt.. lost.. confused.. angry.. bitter.. unsure.. alone... I just wish life gave clear answers... I wish I knew what I was supposed to do about everything. I know I'm the biggest thing holding me back from taking risks and chances... but I just don't want to get hurt again.. and I don't want to fail. I've retreated back into my shell pretty far this time and it's going to take a lot to pry me out this time. I've put up bigger, stronger walls around my heart. I'm the only one that protect me. But what if by protecting myself I'm really just keeping myself from greatness? What if I'm just standing in my own way of my destiny? Destiny. Is there such a thing? What is my purpose? My destiny? Where do I belong?
Three people I know got engaged recently. It's just not fair... But, Aimee, life's not fair... right? When is it going to be my turn? I know I need to be patient and let life take on it's course.. there's someone.. something better out there for me... blah blah blah.. I've heard it all a million times. I want my fairytale. There. I said it. I'm like every other girl out there who fell in love with fairytales... expecting them to come true... expecting it to be real life. But I know it's not.. though deep down I still cling to that childhood fantasy.. I want to fall in love... and have someone fall in love with me back. Is that too much to ask for? Seems like it...
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