Over the past couple weeks my life has just gotten a little hazy. There is so much going on I just feel like it's all a blur. A couple weeks ago I finally had the opportunity to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity, something I've been wanting to be a part of since I was in high school. It was probably one of the greatest experiences of my life. I was installing windows and helping put up siding. It was the most manual labor I've ever done, but it was great. During my volunteer day I met a guy from Boston. He helped me install the last window on the house. He was way easy to talk to and wanted me to add him on Facebook...so I did. He and I have been talking ever since. Then I signed up to help with Habitat again two days ago. We were finishing the houses and it was just so awesome to meet new people and build a new community.
My love life has problems. I have no idea what I want. I have feelings for someone but I'm so scared to completely fall for him. I'm afraid he won't want me eventually and then I will get hurt again. My main focus in love right now is to protect myself. I have so many walls built up that it's so hard for me to get close to anyone. I don't want to allow myself to be vulnerable and open for pain. This is probably all going to bite me in the ass eventually, but I just don't want to endure that kind of pain again.
As conceded as this sounds, I would be a great catch for any guy but none of them will ever know because once they hear "no sex" they are uninterested. What is so wrong about a girl who takes her time getting to know someone, who doesn't just jump into bed with a guy on the first (or even second) night, who has moral and is independent? Is it really that attractive to a guy to have a girl that will have sex with just anyone? This world is so sicken and so sex driven. Hopefully someday some guy will see me for who I am and respect the decisions I've made. But for now I guess being a non slut isn't enough for them...
Someday I will be good enough.
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