I've got a lot on my mind tonight... and no idea where to start... I've really been liking meeting with a counselor every couple weeks. It's nice to have someone who actually listens to me... to have an hour where I can talk all about my life and what's wrong... and not have to feel guilty about it. I hate how selfish I feel/sound when I want something to be about me.. I just don't get it a lot.. although my parents will tell you differently.
I have to take back some things I said in my last post... cause tonight I've been really missing Zach... I'm not sure why... No one has ever made me feel the way he did when we were together. I never knew what I wanted in a man until I met him... he met criteria I didn't even knew I had.. I could completely be myself.. now I'm just a freak of a mess he's felt behind. Who is going to fall in love with a person like this? Who will love someone who is overly emotional and untrusting? I'd been repairing my heart for quite some time and now I feel like I'm having to start over again... My heart feels like it will never be whole again... who wants someone with a shattered heart?
I'm so sick of living with my parents. I miss my freedom. Having to move back in, again, made me feel like a failure... again. I feel like I'm always failing at things.. and I'm always doing things on my own. I'm hoping to get out of here for good next time... which is why I'm hoping to find a part time job so I can save up even more money... to create a bigger safety net so I won't end up back here again. Hopefully by the end of summer I will be able to start looking for apartments again..
I just have to remember I'm taking (small) steps forward... towards my goals...
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